GRRR turning into peace

I don't know what this blog looks like, but I know that I need to write.
We just got back from the library - Joshua and I - I'm very concerned about his fear of other children being near him. It's stressful and embarrassing to be very honest.
It didn't help that it was so dark when we got home at noon that I wanted to pull the Christmas tree back out for some light.
It also doesn't help that I gave everything up that has a hold on me for Lent. This includes no less than Facebook - which surprisingly hasn't been very hard - coffee, tea - hot or iced - soda, hot chocolate and basically any drinks other than water, and any kind of relief that comes in a pill form like my new reliance on Ativan. Luckily, though this year I did not give up chocolate, because when we got home from Target just now I gobbled a handful of chocolate covered goji berries or whatever I bought there.
I wanted to come home, change the entire house around to make it new and exciting and LIGHT and down some sort of beverage or pill that would take this angst away from me that I'm carrying with me today.
However what I did was light a candle and make Joshua his lunch.
Then I ate a gigantic salad from Costco with shredded kale, cabbage, and brussel sprouts, topped with cranberries and sunflower seeds, peppers, cucumbers and avocado.
And I sat on the couch while Joshua was watching his DVD and I ate my salad. And it was good. And I was thankful.
And, now I'm full. I don't want anything else. I'm going to email some friends with children who have special needs or some needs out of the norm, and hopefully blend into the afternoon with my little man, loving him for who he is.
Today, for this moment, I had a victory, and it didn't come in the form of some sort of self medication.
And that's what I've been calling out to God to accomplish this Lent season, however hard it is.